Hatchet

A couple of friends vacationing in New Orleans during Mardi gras decide to take a haunted swamp tour. The tour boat sinks and they have to face their fears of a local legend about Victor Crowley who was a deformed child accidentally killed by his father. Unfortunately for them their fears are not unfounded and they soon have to run for their lives from a brutal killer.

I was pretty skeptical of this movie, from the movie posters. They claim an original American horror movie and usually when companies put such boasts on a movie poster it is designed to trick people into seeing a piece of crap. I will say that I was pleasantly surprised by this movie. I was happy to see some familiar faces in the cast and I thought for the most part the acting was very good. I especially liked Robert Englund in his cameo. The gore was pretty awesome and was very well done. They used some very funny shots of the clichéd blood splattering on bushes and trees. This film did a very nice job of having some comedic parts in ti without taking away from what they were trying to accomplish. The ending is one of the best I have ever seen in a slasher.

My rating 8 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

Behind the mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

A mockumentary about slashers/serial killers. It goes on the idea that Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kruger and Michael Myers were real. It shows a behind the scenes of filmmakers making a documentary about a man named Leslie Vernon who claims he will be the next slasher in line. He was believed to be possessed by the devil when he was a child, so the town tied him up and threw him over a waterfall to drown him. Sadly for them he didn’t die. They interview the guy as he is getting ready for his big comeback if you will. This has some great comedy if you are a fan of the slasher genre. For instance him talking about how hard he works on his cardio and when asked why he says that he has to be able to run like a gazelle and not get tired and “plus there is that thing where you make it look like you are walking while everyone else is running their asses off, and I gotta stay with ‘em” absolute gold.

Everything is going fine until he actually starts going through with it and the documentary crew decide they can’ let him do this. Will they be able to stop him, or was it all part of his plan? It is all a pretty interesting setup with the first 2 acts being a documentary and the last act an actual thrasher movie. You could consider this in the same vein as Scream but I actually think I liked this one more. It has some nice cameos such as Robert Englund as the “Sam Loomis” type character and Kane Hodder as a resident of Elm St. It also has the old lady from Poltergeist as the librarian that explains the entire back story.

My rating 8.5 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

The Texas chainsaw massacre: The Begining

This is a prequel to the events in the remake of the original (confusing enough for you?)Essentially it tells the origins of the characters from the remake, which includes Leatherface as well as R. Lee Ermey’s character. This film also has a great look to it. It really has some nice tones for a horror movie (not exactly original but very nice). I also enjoyed several of the interesting camera angles in this one. This movie is brutal! The first 13 minutes make up for all the faults of Texas chainsaw massacre part 4. R. Lee Ermey is great in this. I liked him in the remake but this one really shows more of his character and he plays it very well.

This movie shows the beginning of Leatherface and how the closing of the meat plant destroyed the town leaving the Weavers as pretty much the only people left. Two couples are travling through town when they get in a wreck. R. Lee Ermey who has taken over as sheriff kidnaps them and takes them back to his house for dinner (to eat them not serve them). All of the TCM sequels tried to show a disturbed family but they all pale in comparison to this one. Finally we see how really crazy this family is without so much cheesy acting. This movie provides everything you want from a Texas chainsaw massacre film and more.

My rating 8 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

The Texas chainsaw massacre (2003)

This is the remake of the Tobe Hooper classic form 1974. I was a bit dubious upon first hearing about this, in part because I loved the original so much and in part because I was unsure how Michael Bay would do with it. As with many of my reviews of remakes I will be comparing this to the original as much as reviewing it in its own right. To start with I actually liked the intro much better. It is obvious from the get go that a larger budget and a modern acceptance of horror movies has given this movie a much more talented cast(not that it is full of Oscar winners). I like the plot change about going to a concert vs going to their grandparent’s old house because I always wondered why someone would vacation to such a shitty house.

The new hitchhiker added a nice touch and shot through the hole in the head was great (not the most original but great none the less) but I still prefer the original crazy guy. The first killing kept to the brutalness and ferocity of the original which I loved. The second started with the more drawn out fight scene type that are more popular. Not really sure I like showing leather face’s face. The unknown was a nice added bit of terror in the original. Was he normal or not? I mind this less I must say after the prequel but more on that in another review. There was some pretty gritty and great horror and gore scenes in this movie, particularly Leatherface wearing her boyfriend’s face as a mask. I don’t really get the little kid. I think the film could have gone along fine without him. Sure he was a bit creepy but just seemed unneeded. R. Lee Ermey is great in this film (even better in the prequel). This is also a beautifully shot film.I like the ending with the documentary but the movie ending was not great (although it had a nice startle fright) I prefer the more bleak ending to the original. Overall I would say this was a very worthy remake and in some ways outshined its predecessor. While I still prefer the original I am sure this will appeal more to a younger crowd and that is always good , as it gets more horror films the green light.

My rating 8.5 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4: The next generation

Well on the outside this seems very promising. I can still remember when this first came out how excited I was. One of my favorite franchises was going to be reborn staring these two actors I loved so much in Dazed and Confused. While I remember being disappointed back then, until this reviewing I couldn’t remember why. I must have blocked this piece of crap from my memory back then and with good reason I must say. As I just mentioned, this stars Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey very early in their career. Renee plays a young lady that gets stranded with her friends. They run into Mattew who is the local tow truck driver and crazed psychopath. I will admit that Mattew does a pretty good job at being a psycho but the writing is so bad that it doesn’t last long before you just want to punch the TV.

I am a man who can really enjoy a bad movie most of the time, but I have little patience for people screwing up good franchises by completely changes characters and putting things on film that don’t belong there. For starters I can’t possibly articulate how much I feel they fucked up Leatherface in this film. For starters they gave him a mullet. I could forgive that except the also turn him into a drag queen. What in the hell is that? I want Leatherface being crazy and sawing people up. I don’t want to see him putting on lipstick and wearing a dress! I will say though that this does have a good (one of the franchises best) Leatherface chase scene but that can’t come close to saving this.

This film also features some of the worse acting I have ever seen. The 2 preppy friends of hers were bad but Matthew’s girlfriend was so god awful I truly think she got the part because she would show her tits. I would chalk a bit of this up to the director as there was even some bad acting from Renee in some parts. Over all the story is so terrible I don’t know how in the hell it got a green light. They ruined the entire folklore of the franchise by making the family wok for someone and whose grand idea was it for Matthew to have a remote control leg. That may possibly be the dumbest thing ever put on film. But don’t worry about all the stupid parts because if you make it to the end it gets even worse!

My rating 1.5 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

The Texas chainsaw massacre 3: Leatherface

Somehow leather face survived part 2 (typical slasher shit where they kill someone and bring them back) He is now living with a different strange family which seems to be related to him. A traveling couple is being hunted by the family and trying to escape. Has the feel of the second (as compared to the first )but the story trails off and gets even more ridiculous than the second one. Overall it feels like a bad Friday the 13^th. The family this time around is a lot more demented (although when you are a cannibal, degrees of dementedness seems redundant)

This movie features and early appearance of Viggo Mortensen, as one of the crazy family members. He really isn’t too bad in it and could have been better if ti weren’t for such bad writing and directing. For all fans of his that don’t know he is also a musician please take the time to check out his stuff with the brilliant guitarist Buckethead. Speaking of music, this film actually did have some great 1980’s shread metal playing during one of the climax’s fight scene.

My rating 5 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

The Texas chainsaw massacre part 2

It’s been 14 years since the original film. Tobe hooper is back with a bigger budget to show us how ole Leatherface has been doing. Dennis Hopper joins the cast and plays a former Texas Ranger who is obsessed with finding the murdering family that killed his family members (two of the kids in the original). The weaver family was forced to move after being found out in the first one. The set up shop in a rundown theme park outside of Dallas. After one of their murders is caught on audiotape by a radio DJ the family needs to stop her from helping Dennis Hopper and catching them.

IT is obvious from very early on that the great Tom Savini was in charge of the special effects. While this film doesn’t have his best work, it does have some pretty nice effects and a few special moments. I especially liked the plate in chop Top’s head. That coupled with the coat hanger and lighter bit added a creepy touch that was truly disgusting. Overall the gore was ratcheted up from the first one and probably has the most of the series (not counting the remake and its new storyline) still not as much as it could have been but was well done none the less.

Chop top is a different character from the hitchhiker in the first one (maybe brothers and he was absent in the first one because he was in the war) but they are pretty much the same. Chop Top has more humor but has most of the same mannerisms. Dennis Hopper plays his part pretty over the top (not uncommon for him) but it works form most of the film. This film deals a lot more with Leatherface and tries to delve into his emotions. This doesn’t always work though. Some of it is pretty sick and twisted. Watch the first 20 minutes of The Texas chainsaw massacre:the beginning and you get a much better interpretation of his emotions as far as I am concerned. Despite that it worked ok (especially when this film was released). Parts of Leatherface’s movements really reminded me of Kevin Smith as Silent Bob.

This has a totally different vibe from the first one. It is much cleaner looking and doesn’t have that independent feel. This movie is much more inline with the slasher films that were being produced at the time, with some campiness, some comedy and overall set to be less terrorifing. Fans of primus will recognize an audio sound bite from Sailing the seas of cheese. One thing that really disappointed me and really showed some terribly lazy writing was a 10 minute scene that was an exact duplicate from the first film. Why they felt the need to rehash this scene(which wasn’t that great the first time) is beyond me. A big step down from the first one but better than most released that year.

My rating 6.5 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.

The Texas chainsaw massacre (1974)

Well I was supposed to watch Broken tonight (heard it has crazy gore) but the disc was broken (go figure) so I figured I might as well re-watch and review the movie I took the title of this blog from, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I have often felt that “who will survive and what will be left of them” is the greatest tag line in the history of everything. Anyway in my mind I have always thought that this was the best horror movie (well in the slasher genre at least) of all time but when I sat down to review it I realized I hadn’t seen it in a dozen or more years. I (as with all movies) tried to judge it on its merits of the time it was made. For instance I wouldn’t count against it for special effects that don’t live up to today’s standards. I also took into account the fact that it was an independent movie so I gave some leeway on the acting.

The movie follows a group of young adults as they visit an old family country house. Eventually they disturb some local crazies who proceed to hunt and kill them. The movie would have what many today would consider clichés but you have to remember that this movie was made 4 years before the original Halloween. Most of the clichés weren’t clichés back then. The movie being over 30 years old and being low budget doesn’t look very clean. To me that grittiness adds greatly to the mood of the movie. The effect is so effective that Rob Zombie gave house of a thousand corpses and Devil’s rejects a similar feel (he was going for the feel of the era not necessarily this film)

There are several things about this film that made it so freaking disturbing back then (and it still beats 95% of today’s films). One thing is the shear brutality of the murders. Tobe avoids lack of buildup through most of the movie so when something happens it shocks you. For the most part when someone is going to die they are just killed quickly. This makes it seem much more real and real violence tends to make people uneasy. Tobe uses good camera angles to add to the intensity as well as a lack of extra lights in the dark scenes. Most of the time filmmakers use blue lights on night scenes so it still looks dark but allows you to see everything. Tobe doesn’t use that technique most of the time. He uses mostly the light in the scene such as a flashlight or car lights (technically he does use some added lights but turns them down way low). This again adds to the realism and adds a creepy as shit mood.

The soundtrack is also disturbing as hell. It has no real soundtrack to speak of. Instead it uses strange sounds said to be recorded from a slaughterhouse. This also adds a lot to the creepiness of the film. The acting for the most part is fair. There is some overacting but from a low budget 70s movie, that is to be expected. Overall this still holds up as a fantastic horror film and will give the average viewer the willes for days. I still declare this a horror masterpiece!

My rating 9 out of 10

Review by Elvis Lawson

Here is the trailer.